You should have made the deal!
by LindsayHalstead
Summary: Flowers for your grave!


**_I published a new Criminal Minds One shot!_**

 ** _Nothing is mine!_**

 ** _I had to alter it._**

 ** _Episode: 5X10 Roses for your grave_**

 ** _Have fun!_**

* * *

 ** _If you gaze long enough in the abyss, the abyss will gaze into you._**

 ** _\- Friedrich Nietsche_**

It was the funeral of his beloved ex wife, Haley Hotchner-Brooks.

She was the mother to his child and someone he still loved after such a hard divorce.

The tears just streamed down his face. He couldn't stop them nor would he wanted them to stop.

They were together for the longest time. Since college. They had good times and bad times.

"Promise me that you tell him how we met and how you used to make me laugh. He needs to know that you weren't always that serious. Aaron, i want him to belive in love because it is the most important thing..you need to show him this...promise me!"

He would never forget Haleys last words.

Haley never wanted to leave him, as aaron said, she never signed up for this nor did he.

But life as it is had to come in the way. He could have done better, should have made the deal. Then Jack would still have his mother.

But he couldn't change it now. Had to live with the knowing that it is his fault that Jack lost his mother and that Jessica lost her sister.

He was so grateful that Jessica didn't turned her back to him. He couldn't live with this guilt. With the daily reminder from Foyet.

Thats true, he would go wherever she is. She was th love of his life. He couldn't save her, he couldn't sav their marriage? Why was he still alive? Why couldn't Foyet just killed him? Doesn't matter if thy wen't to hell or way up to the sky. He would go with her everywhere. Yeah, sh cheated on him. But he understands, he wasn't often there and a women needs somone who cares. He wasn't good for her and he would do anything to change the situation that is now.

Maybe he'll find a way to change everything, but not now. Now he was to sad, depressed and alone. Sure he has Jack, his Team and Jessica but he missed her so much. He couldn't form words for this feelings, for what he feels, it just hurts so much. It hurts to know that the guilt was his, no one blamed him. Emily said it alone was Foyets fault. But it was his, his fault, he should have made the deal.

Foyet run away with everything. With his heart that beated for Haley, his hope to save her and with his love.

He would never ever forget that. It just could never be as it was before. His soul grew cold for the world outside, h grew seriouser with every day that passed, but for Jack he tried to be there for him. Tried to be a great father. But for his thoughts he failed miserably. Jack wouldn't say it thought.

His life will go on, thats for sure, but for now it stood still on the day of Haleys funeral. H told them how they met, how the beginning of thir relationship was, how the beginning of their marriage was and funny stories. Every single women teared up. Emily, who stood near Hotch had teared up, she didn't knew Haley long, met her once at the bar. She really thought they would be together forever. Till death to us, That was earlier than everyone thought. This dark day and those white roses shattered on the casket and ground reminded everyone how fast life can end.

They connected, he made her his, she made him hers. He wanted so bad to turn time back. He would go wherever she is, wherever she was and wherever she goes. Without her no his. He broke, his sole broke. But on the outside it never was showable. He hid it perfect. Only Rossi and Emily could see through his mask, his wall he build up to protect him. He couldn't bear it.

"I'll always love the love of my life and Jack's mother. She was amazing, caring and sweet, Haley, I'll never forget you and what you did. I miss you so much! Wherever you are I'll find you." He said, threw a white rose on her casket. He put Jack on his hip who put down a white rose on the casket of his mother.

"Give mommy a kiss!" Hotch said and afterwards he left the cementery. Left everyone behind.

He would never forget the pain Foyet gave him and he will never forget the six words.

 ** _« You should have made the deal ! »_**

 ** _I have loved to the point of madness. That, which is called madness. That, which to me is the only sensible way to love._**

 ** _\- Francois Sagane_**

* * *

 ** _I hope you liked it! Maybe you leave a review?_**


End file.
